Jedi Master Sound Technician Speaks

I sleep in the living room and I try to wake up before the majority of the populous awake for the day. This particular morning I had no such success. So I awoke to people talking and eating their morning bowls of cereal. I attempt to shake off the tiredness while Pat laughs at me from the breakfast table. I reach up and drink the glass of water above my head. This makes Pat laugh even harder as I am hidden behind a couch and all he sees is an arm grasping for a glass of water.

After breakfast and packing all the gear we need for the day of shooting, we depart the ranch, (which is particularly beautiful this morning) and head down the road to the Summerland Yacht Club. The lake today is calm and quite. A lake of glass.

We arrive and begin to set up along the dock. Luke and myself unpack the sound gear and begin the set-up. After the gear is ready, we do some stretching and kicking (we're Jedi Master sound technicians).

When I originally signed onto this project, I was assigned to "do whatever needs to be done Production Assistant" and I did some random things near the beginning, but eventually I became the "boom operator" and I have to admit that it got very old very fast. My saving grace was a few days after Luke arrived for the second time. After endless compliments on how "Fantastic" my "Boom" skills were, he decided that he was a "Jedi Master Sound Guy" and that he was going to train me in the ways which are right and just. I gladly took this challenge upon my shoulders. Within a day or two, I had become what I had always wanted to be: "Extreme Shaolin Jedi Boom Master Extraordinaire" [photo, right].

Anyway, where was I…? Oh yes: We had everything set up, we had finished our stretches, and we were ready for the day. We blew through all the scenes before lunch, and then got to partake in some delicious cake for Bronwen's birthday.

After the fine meal we went back to work, and everything went smoothly until Melanie Blackwell, who is playing the peg-leg princess, lost her tiara in the lake after casting it out into the water on the end of a fishing line in an attempt to catch the Ogopogo with it. We all had a good chuckle over that and moved on.

When we finished all the shots for the day, a bunch of us were standing around waiting for Captain Bob to show up in his slow-ass boat. He was supposed to be at the marina at 1:00PM I believe, and I think he actually showed up at 4:30 or 5:00. The plus side of this situation was that I got some hilarious footage of the gang goofing around and playing games. And Kennedy killed me with his mind powers (I forgot to mention that I have taken it upon myself to shoot the unofficial behind-the-scenes ‘making of…’. Although I do hope that it'll get used for something, like… uhhh… I don't know… on the DVD… huh, Craig? What do you say? I guess we'll have to cross that bridge after I've finished editing it). Needless to say, Captain Bob did show up in his boat eventually, and we all took off back to the ranch. I rode with Kennedy and I got some superb driving shots of him rocking out to music.

Before I get into the events that transpired in the evening, I have to say that staying at the Jevons' Ranch with all the crew and cast is by far one of the best experiences I've ever had. It's like summer camp, but we get to drink lots of beer, and we laugh a whole lot more. Every person on this project is amazing, and I feel very privileged to have met them, and even more privileged to get to hang out with them on a daily basis and share this experience of making a movie.

This particular evening I was feeling a little more tired than usual and after dinner I had a shower and was taking it easy, — I should've started writing this blog — but I was beginning to fall asleep on the “La-Z-Boy®” and the dream world was calling my name. In the back of my head I start to hear a commotion; could I be dreaming? Hardly. Raised voices, yelling, the heavy beat of horse hoofs, you know, the usual, (horses running outside is common place since we're on a horse ranch) but then Pat comes running into the house.

"Kevin, get your ass up, where's your camera, this is ‘E.P.K.’ stuff."

Or something like that, I'm still half asleep. I drag myself up, not bothering to ask questions and grab the two cameras in my bag. I hand one to Pat and we make our way outside.

The details begin to filter in. Apparently a lone horse had come running onto the ranch and through the back yard, fully saddled, and sweating like it'd been running for awhile. There was just one thing missing: a rider. PANIC MODE ON THE RANCH.

Next thing I know I'm running down the road filming or next plan of action. We have people in cars driving around, we have people on phones, we have people being split up into search parties, as our fear is that the rider was thrown from the horse and is lying broken in the hills of Penticton.

Chaos ensues. Then, just as fast as it all started, it all comes to an end as the lost rider comes walking down the road; admitting, to her embarrassment, that the horse had spooked and ran away while getting ready to go out riding. We film the joyful reunion of rider and horse, and head back inside.

The adrenaline of the hunt dies away and I feel tired again. This time I lay in my bed and watch some cartoons with the gang until sleep takes me over again, this time fully until morning, when I wake up again to the hustle and bustle of the morning breakfast rush. This time Pat doesn't laugh at me because he's still asleep. I laugh at him instead.

— Kevin Roberts
Production Assistant / Jack-of-All-Trades)

International Affairs (and Break-Ups)

There are times when you say things and times when you don't say things; I don't often know the difference, which can be charming at times, and at times it can get you (meaning me) kicked out of countries (meaning Canada) on the day before I was supposed to join fellow Beasts on the travel to the (only mythical, to me) land of Kelowna, to assist crewing on this great motion picture, which I stumbled across last year on the internet and have been intrigued by ever since…

Basically what happened is — after four hours on a train and four hours on a bus — I said too much to the Canadian border guard(s) about my prospective activities, who told me I couldn't enter without a work permit, made me walk back across the border in shame, only to be harassed by the American border guards who thought I was trying to sneak in from Canada… then wait three hours for a bus, during which time I made the embarrassing call to Kennedy to let him know that I would not be making it to the shoot, and after which time, I had to board the bus last, due to my ‘thug’ status.

I was somewhat delirious by this time, as I hadn't eaten much and had almost been kicked out of two countries, so it thankfully all seemed kind of funny.

Sitting near me on the bus back to Seattle, there were these two teenage Canadian boys who were all excited about moving to the States; sad that they wouldn't be able to go to bars, happy that they could still buy cigarettes, wondering where all the enormous road signs were (?), laughing about gallons and miles, and suddenly one of them became very panicked that there might not be any Tim Hortons in the U.S. (which there are not, except for a few on the East Coast). The other one assured him that this was preposterous, ‘of course there are Tim Hortons everywhere!’ I almost opened my mouth, but I thought, this just might be one of those times when you don't say something.

So I practised not saying anything. And now there are two teenage boys wandering around Seattle searching for a Tim Hortons that doesn't exist. But that's how it rolls in international travels, boys. That's just how it rolls.

Anyway, I wish everyone the best of luck on the shoot and thanks for allowing me to be a part of it… you have my support from the lawful distance of bordering lands!

— Brie Williams