A Speech from the Father of the Groom

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to thank Lara’s father for allowing me a couple of minutes to say a few words, it’s just very sad that he can’t be here with us this evening, but please be assured that both my wife and I will be visiting him at the Intensive Care Unit first thing in the morning after giving a statement to Transport Canada.

Apart from that unfortunate incident — well, actually plus several others — what a wonderful day it was!

Considering my wife and I only met last month, at the Ramala Ranch resort (with much thanks to the Craig March dating agency, which certainly now comes with our full endorsement, what a perfect match. Craig and both his researchers Kennedy and David certainly do there homework, cleverly financing their company operation by collecting huge amounts of used beer cans — which incidentally must have been taking up the best part of 5 acres at the ranch — anyway, I digress), my wife and I never thought we would see our little Damien getting married… quite so soon… my how time flies!

I must say that we both just loved the ceremony, we noticed all the small touches, even the Commissioner and his resemblance to Patrick Swayze.

But I must take my hat off to the chef, the food was first class. I particularly enjoyed the little gummy cherry flavoured feet… actually I’m still picking them out of my teeth! And brewing a late night pot of coffee in the ladies’ wash room of the yacht club, after the failure of the boat’s generator, was a challenge to say the least! And you didn’t catch me, ladies!

Well, I think I’ve had my few minutes, I know many of you have to travel back to Vancouver.

I would like to add my thanks to all the staff who made today such a success, particularly the ambulance crew.

Finally, just like everybody else here today, we are both so looking forward to seeing the photos and video of Lara and Damien’s special day, particularly all those special little moments that the video-grapher is so clever at capturing.

So, once again, please join me in raising your glasses… Ladies and Gentlemen, Lara and Damien.

— Jerry Mason
‘Father of the Groom’